The Lands Between is a treasure trove for Tarnished, overflowing with weapons of every conceivable shape and size. While many opt for classic katanas or colossal greatswords, the true connoisseurs of chaos seek out the bizarre, the unconventional, and the downright weird. These are not mere novelties; they are instruments of destruction that prove effectiveness and eccentricity can go hand-in-hand, or in some cases, finger-in-fist. Let's dive into the arsenal of the absurd that makes exploring every corner of this world, including the hauntingly beautiful Land of Shadow from the Shadow of the Erdtree expansion, a constant source of delightful WTF moments.
15. Perfume Bottles
Straight out of the Shadow of the Erdtree DLC, this new weapon type is the definition of killing them softly. Who would've thought that spraying perfume could be a viable combat tactic? These elegant bottles are filled with volatile mixtures that deal serious elemental damage when unleashed. It's a uniquely stylish way to tell your enemies they stink... permanently. Talk about leaving a lasting impression!
14. Nox Flowing Sword
This weapon is the ultimate curveball. At first glance, it's just a sleek curved sword. But activate its Flowing Form skill, and it transforms into a liquid metal whip, extending your reach in a way that would make any Bloodborne Hunter nod in approval. Found in the mystical Sellia, Town of Sorcery, it’s a Dexterity-scaling weapon that proves sometimes, it's best to go with the flow—especially when that flow can slice through armor.
13. Cranial Vessel Candlestand
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Ever wanted to beat a demigod to death with a fancy living room ornament? Now you can! This Warhammer, shaped like an ornate candlestick, is a true household hazard. Its Surge of Faith skill doesn't just provide light—it unleashes a torrent of holy fire to cleanse your foes. To claim this luminous bludgeon, you'll need to brave the Giant-Conquering Hero's Grave and bypass a fog wall with a Stonesword Key. It’s the perfect weapon for those who like their home decor to have a little bite.
12. Sword of Milos
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If you want a weapon that screams "back problems," look no further. This greatsword is literally fashioned from the spine of a giant named Milos. Its unique skill, Shriek of Milos, lets out a terrifying roar that weakens enemy defenses. You can pry this macabre masterpiece from the cold, dead hands of the infamous Dung Eater in the Leyndell sewers. Because of course the guy who revels in filth would use a giant's backbone as a weapon. It's a real spine-chilling experience.
11. Ghiza's Wheel
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Pizza time? More like dismemberment time! This colossal weapon resembles a massive, bladed pizza cutter that spins like a chainsaw. It's perfect for dealing with thick-skinned enemies, grinding them down with relentless sawing motions. To get your hands on this culinary-themed carnage, you'll need to visit Volcano Manor and survive an invasion by Inquisitor Ghiza in the dining hall. Defeat him, and the wheel is yours. It's a cut above the rest, literally.
10. Family Heads
Tired of regular flails? Why not try one adorned with the skulls of an entire family? Created by Necromancer Garris in memory of his kin, Family Heads is as disturbing as it sounds. Its skill, Familial Rancor, summons the vengeful spirits of those very skulls to haunt your enemies. You can find this morbid memento in Sage’s Cave in the Altus Plateau. It’s the perfect weapon for when you want to bring the whole family to a fight. 😱
9. Ringed Finger
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Sometimes, you just want to give your enemies the finger. In Elden Ring, you can do that literally. The Ringed Finger is a colossal hammer that is, well, a giant severed finger with a ring on it. Its skill, Claw Flick, makes the finger grow enormous and flick foes away like insignificant bugs. To obtain this meme-worthy mallet, you must navigate the fiery traps and deadly chariots of Gelmir Hero's Grave. It's the ultimate disrespect in weapon form.
8. Iron Balls
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When you need to get straight to the point, sometimes you just have to bring the heavy balls. This Fist weapon simply straps two massive iron spheres to your hands. Paired with the Braggart's Roar skill, they boost your stamina and defense, letting you brawl with the best of them. To get them, you'll have to confront the dubious prawn-boiler, Blackguard Big Boggart, at the Boilprawn Shack. Choose violence, and he'll drop his prized… balls. It's a no-brainer for strength builds who like to keep it simple.
7. Jar Cannon
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Why use a puny bow when you can wield a portable cannon shaped like a jar? This weapon is the very definition of overkill. It fires greatbolts with devastating force, perfect for sniping enemies from a safe distance or just making a very loud, very explosive statement. You can loot it from the Demi-Human Queen Margot in the Volcano Cave. It's the perfect tool for when subtlety is for chumps and you'd rather just blow stuff up.
6. Varre's Bouquet
They say every rose has its thorn. In the case of Varre's Bouquet, every petal hides a path to blood loss. This weapon is a beautiful, deadly contradiction—a bunch of white roses that can viciously bleed your enemies dry. Don't let its delicate appearance fool you; this is one gift that keeps on giving... hemorrhages. It's the ultimate passive-aggressive weapon, perfect for saying "I hate you" with floral elegance. 💐
| Weapon Name | Weirdness Factor | How to Get It |
|---|---|---|
| Perfume Bottles | High | Shadow of the Erdtree DLC |
| Nox Flowing Sword | High | Sellia, Town of Sorcery |
| Cranial Vessel Candlestand | Extreme | Giant-Conquering Hero's Grave |
| Sword of Milos | Macabre | Defeat the Dung Eater (Leyndell Sewers) |
| Ghiza's Wheel | Brutal | Defeat Inquisitor Ghiza (Volcano Manor) |
The world of Elden Ring continues to be a sandbox of surreal weaponry. Whether you're perfuming foes to death, flicking them with a giant finger, or sawing through them with a pizza wheel, there's no shortage of creative ways to express your violent intent. In 2026, as players continue to scour every inch of the Lands Between and the Land of Shadow, these weapons remain iconic testaments to the game's unparalleled imagination. So go ahead, embrace the weird. Your enemies won't know what hit them... and frankly, neither will you.